New Business Started in Franklin WI

The business is called “Hair in a Box”. Founder Bob Wiczicky explains that there is a market for people who love exotic hair for arts and crafts.  As a kid, Bob explained that he would try to collect hair from as many animals as possible when visiting the zoo with his family. “My mom said she was really proud of my hair collection.” said Bob.

For $19.95, free shipping included, customers get a box of hair from three different animals. Elephant hair carries a $10 premium as they do not like to have their hair cut.

Bob’s business is being investigated after claims he was selling dyed cat and dog hair as coming from excotic animals like sloths and white-faced monkeys.

The Gentleman Welder


John Williams decides to turn welding into a more gentrified profession by dawning a spiffy uniform before going on to a welding job. “My goal is take welding from a salt of the earth endeavour to a highly respected professional position” said John. He further quipped ” The ladies love it”.

A Capitan and His Turkey


Capitan John Wang lights a celebratory cigarette with his trusty pet turkey named Mr. Ed. Wang was celebrating navigating 300 km of the Ma River in Vietnam.

Mr. Ed and Wang have been together for almost 5 years now. The belt around his waist carries turkey feed which Mr. Ed snacks on all day long. Wang said “A few years ago, I developed this ‘snack belt’ as I call it. It is really indispensable in caring for Mr. Ed. The crew does complain a little about cleaning up after Mr. Ed but I usually assign the clean up to new deck hands to break them in a bit”.

Capitan Wand and Mr. Ed are planning on sailing the United States to celebrate Thanksgiving. “I heard turkeys are really popular at Thanksgiving” said Wang.

Donkeys Creeping Out Tourists


The U.S. Virgin Island Department of Tourism is warning tourists not to be scared of the wild donkeys (pictured above). While creepy, they mean no harm. There have been absolutely no incidences of physical contact between the donkeys and people.

A tourist we interviewed was not so certain. “We were walking along as a family and this donkey peers out from behind some government box. It stood dead still. Its eyes followed us. I didn’t know donkeys could even move their eyes.” said the tourist. “ I woke up the other night and saw one in the woods outside our hotel just staring at me. What the heck.”

A government official said the donkeys were just being “asses”, how do think they got that nickname anyway.

Early Storm Trackers Honored

early storm watchers

The National Meteorology Association this week honors the first storm trackers. This vintage photo of the “Tornado Brothers” shows how they would track storms old school. Jimmy Falcon, the full length figure on the right, tells us that all the team needed to find tornados back then were a good pair of binoculars and a case of beer. “We would drive a few hundred miles listening to Zeppelin and looking at clouds.” said Jimmy. “On the occasion we saw a funnel cloud, Darrel, not pictured, would snap a shot with his Kodak 35 mm. The developed pictures were put on our cork board. That was that.”

The group was discovered in 2008 by a team of modern storm trackers whose vehicle was lifted and thrown into Jimmy’s barn by a tornado. As we crawled from the wreckage, we notice pictures of tornados mixed in with pictures of a sexual nature. We had discovered the long rumored Tornado Brothers.

Jimmy claims the sex pictures are Darrel’s. He was just hanging on to them for safe keeping.

Getting a Leg Up

In a sign of the times, job seeker, Larry Tuttle  (pictured above) completes an application wearing sunglasses to give the impression he is visually impaired. “I think these days you need to do most anything to get a leg up. I am not telling the employer I am visually impaired but if they want to think it, I am not going to stop them.” said Larry. “I also like to start the interview off with some comments about how much I like the Equal Employment Opportunity Act. Hey just because I like it, does not mean I am covered by it, if you get my drift.”

Larry told us that his sunglasses have gotten him in the door for several job opportunities but not has all gone smoothly. In one interview the hiring manager was blind. “The guy was pretty upset with me but, hey, I never told the guy I was visually impaired. His human resource people just assumed I was.”

Larry did finally find a welding job where he can use his sunglasses on the job without pretending to be visually impaired. In a strange twist of events, Larry was temporarily blinded in a welding accident. He is expected to make a full recovery.

Entrepreneur Bets on Next Big Thing

A Virginian man is betting that miniature planetariums will be the next big thing. With the Internet bringing the night sky indoors, telescope sales are down. But what if you can have an entire planetarium in your own back yard? This is the hope of Ron Mellfield.

“Imagine sticking your head inside a real working planetarium”, explains Ron. “It is a far more interactive and enriching experience than the Internet. A virtual tour guide, also miniature, will take you through the entire solar system and beyond. Afterwards you can use the scientific grade telescope to see planets, stars, and galaxies from the comfort of your own planetarium. The enjoyment is endless really.”

Ron is recovering from a severe sunburn when he got stuck inside the planetarium with the telescope pointing at the sun. He is expected to make a full recovery. Investors can contact Ron at

Fence Makers Claim to Have Circumnavigated the Globe

Robert Novicki and his fencing crew claim to have circumnavigated the world with their fence. “We kept building and building and finally we came to the place the fence started. It was amazing. The only explanation is that we must have somehow built the fence around the world.”

When asked why the fence did not cross any oceans or unusual terrain, they claim that the fence must be something like the Bermuda Triangle. It must somehow warp time and space to go from end to end.

Later when Robert and his team were shown an aerial photograph of their fence which was basically a 20 mile long circle, he stated “Well, that’s weird, it seemed like we were building it in a straight line.”

Government Workers Cut Healthcare Costs

After Marge Pinkerton, pictured in sunglasses, dropped her contact lens into a slow moving river, her fellow government workers sprang into action by using thier seine net to look for the contact lens. “It seemed like the right thing to do given all the pressure to save on healthcare costs” said Ken Burnwinkle. Burnwinkle did find the contact lens and is shown holding it in the palm of his hand.

Unfortuantely, the contact lens had a small tear in it making it unwearable by Marge. The local Walmart vision center gave Marge a free contact upon hearing of the effort put forth to find the lost lens.

As a side note, the fish world mourns the loss of another speices as the mating pair that the workers were supposed to have collected was caught and eaten by a local fisherman about 100 yard from where the contact was lost.

Tiger Suing Kellogg

Tiger Bob, shown left, is suing Kellogg over the Tony the Tiger image. Bob claims that Kellogg used his image and likeness in developing the Tony the Tiger character. “One day, I saw a box of Frosted Flakes and felt violated.” said Bob. “I could not believe they just stole my whole look right down the stripes. It’s really shocking.”

Bob and his lawyer are seeking unspecified damages and a cease and desist order on all future boxes of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes bearing the likeness of Tony the Tiger.

Two weeks after this interview, Bob accidental bit his lawyer’s neck causing irreparable damage. “I leaned over the tell him something and he flinched. I guess I just over reacted”.